Mikachu · nu

Today was my company’s family picnic. It was about an hour and a half drive from where we live and with no traffic, it was a nice drive. The location of the picnic was in a “park” of sorts attached to a water park. We were given access to the water park for free but the husband and I decided not to do it this time. Last year, it was at the same place but it was held about a month earlier. It was gloomy and kind of cool, so the water park wasn’t an ideal place to enjoy lol. It was sunnier this year, but a nice breeze kept it cool.

It wasn’t as crowded this time around, compared to last year. The only person I found from my location was actually working! I didn’t find anyone else, except people from my old location. None of us won anything from the employee raffle but, at least the food was good. There were the burgers, chili dogs, potato salad, fruit, ice cream novelties, corn, popcorn… There’s something about an abundance of free food that makes me happy.

After having just written that, one may assume that my “7 Deadly Sin” is gluttony. I think I identify most with sloth, though. My friends could tell you that I’m one of the laziest people they know. I tend to get made fun of for it. I’ll go through spouts of productivity, but it’s not as common as I’d like it. I’m not sure why I am the way I am… I enjoy not having to do a lot physically. There are only a handful of physical activities I actually enjoy partaking in (rollerblading, bowling, dancing are a few).

All that leaves me thinking one thing: Why couldn’t I identify with a more attractive sin?

There’s a difference between carrying on and not caring what people think, and just being outright rude, offensive and destructive.

Right now, Angelinos are currently rioting at some level since the Lakers won the Finals. They’re breaking out in fights, causing fires, and whatever else they can do to embarrass Los Angeles as a whole. It’s not surprising, either, and that’s sad! Fans will riot, win or lose, if the Lakers are in the finals. I don’t see it with any other sport we have a team for; then again we don’t have a team that is especially talented and consistently gets into the finals of any championship other than the Lakers.

It doesn’t help that most folks are drunk off their asses and with even the most sane people, that’ll decrease any filter and control one might have. I know I can get pretty darn obnoxious when I drink too much. I’m not sure how rude or offensive I get, but I know others who do. My husband, for instance.

You know when people talk about who’s a “happy drunk”, “sad drunk” or “angry drunk”? The husband is definitely an angry drunk and even if I’m drunk, I’ll end up having to calm or quiet him down to keep him from doing something stupid and getting beat up. Anybody who’s been out drinking with him knows. Luckily, if we’re out drinking together, he lets me drink and he doesn’t end up drinking enough to get that way. It takes quite a bit, actually. I guess that’s the positive thing about having a high alcohol tolerance

I don’t enjoy being around people who don’t care about being rude and offensive for the sake of it; the kind of behavior that causes fights and too much negative attention directed in their direction. It’s unnecessary and if it’s somebody I know, it’s embarrassing and highly uncomfortable.

On a positive note, I enjoyed a nice sushi dinner with the husband and had my first jalapeno popper. It wasn’t too spicy and very delicious! Work was also better today.

PS: Family Guy is hilarious!

I had one of those work days where I just wanted to work and I was made to feel inept for most of the day. It sucked. I may not be perfect all of the time, but I’m capable and if you give me a fricken minute, I’ll have everything going as you wish. It didn’t help that I’m hormonal lately.

After telling the husband about my day, he said I wouldn’t make it as an air traffic controller since they’re so big on ragging on people for no good reason. Whatever.

I allow myself to get ragged on a lot. I make dumb comments and can be naive and shit, but I don’t like it happening all the fricken time by anyone and everyone around me! I need a little positive reinforcement once in a while. That’s not to say I’ll break down crying or start telling people off when I get overloaded. The most I may do is give off the “I’m not happy” feeling and be short with responses. I shouldn’t forget to mention that I don’t stay in bad moods for very long! Just leave me alone for a few minutes, let me do my thing and all will be forgotten.

I don’t consider myself as somebody who hold grudges. I’ve held a few, and only recently in life. It’s such a time and energy waster! I’ve definitely learned that and even more so now, I don’t understand why people hold grudges or get so angry over things that don’t seem major (at least to me). Some may consider me sensitive sometimes, but it might be a mismatch of how I’m viewed versus how I view myself.

Overall, I think of myself as a fairly resilient person who doesn’t let a lot get to her often. However, I don’t like being made a fool of or being made fun of – because, really, who does? I protect myself by preempting any strikes by making fun of myself and deliberately making myself the butt of jokes or allowing certain people to make those jabs at me. It still hurts sometimes, though.

I don’t think I’ll be changing things – generally I’m happy how I am. There’s always improvement to be made and that’s what the rest of my life is for

I wish I had the balls to tell people I think they’re dumb. Seriously. I see so much dumb going on around me in real life and online and it drives me fucking CRAZY. There are also things that go on that people seem to care a whole lot about that I couldn’t give a rat’s patootie for. However, those tend to be occurrences or issues that I should care about, but don’t, and if I made it known, people would put me under the “heartless bitch” category.

To be honest, I prefer people to like me than for me to speak my mind. That’s kind of fucked up, yes? I grew up as the kid in between the “outsiders” and the “cool” kids. I always wanted to be “cool” (whatever that may mean nowadays) but I managed to fit in a little bit better with the “outsiders” (again, whatever that may mean now). Either way, I didn’t have a home and though I appeared or tried not to care, I did, and still do. Strangely enough, it was high school that really did away with those “cool” vs. “outsider” cliques. In high school, there were just too many genres of “cliques” that none of them were cool or outsiders lol, especially in my 2nd high school. The glory of the Los Angeles public school system, I suppose.

I never totally managed to grow into somebody who didn’t give a lick about what people thought. Yes, I don’t care what STRANGERS think, but if you’re somebody I know and are acquainted with, but not good friends with, I don’t want the shit you’ll likely give me for being who I actually am.

If I’m comfortable enough with somebody who can understand my sense of humor or won’t hate me for being who I am… they’ll see it. They’ll see all the shit that I try to hide, the snark, the bitchiness, the real gritty stuff I keep on the down low in general public.

I may have a “fake” me, but it’s so part of me that… it’s actually the real me. WOW, I JUST BLEW YOUR MIND, HUH? That was dumb. Waxing poetic, right? Pfft.

Now I’m off to bed ‘cuz I have a long day and I’m just not making sense anymore. Suck it.