Tag: past

Chat Logs Are Dangerous

I am a sentimental kind of person. I love to reminisce, even though it usually gets me weepy and yearning to either revisit or even relive those past times. Not to mention, thanks to my romantasising even the worst of them, if enough time has passed, there’s almost no point in the past that I wouldn’t go back to for at least a moment. I mean, looking back on chat logs between an ex-boyfriend and I about whether we would get back together… I can’t remember exactly how I was feeling back at that moment other than what was said in those conversations and what paths we took, I’m thinking now why didn’t I? Reminiscing, especially if I have physical aids, is dangerous for me *lol*

Considering I found logs burned onto a CD that go back as far as 2000(!!!!), there’s also the fact of how I just … typed. 13 years old and I definitely had the lazy grammar and bad spelling 1 that is hallmark of that age group. Not only that, but I tried to be “creative” in my bad typing. I used “yu” instead of “you”… A LOT. That’s hard to read. I feel flush with embarrassment the way I conveyed myself in some conversations. However, I can definitely see the progression I made since I have logs up to 2004. I definitely got better, let me tell you. Hell, I don’t even need these chat logs to display how awful I was with typing in the past. I have LiveJournals that show it even worse!

Now, there’s nothing like finding a conversation saved for a purpose. Lord knows the logs I have saved aren’t all the conversations I’ve had over those years. One such conversation was as casual as they come between a guy friend of mine and this friend actually happened to be an ex2. It started out unassuming and quite casual and out of nowhere, he apologizes. A simple couple of lines of an apology for having acted like an “ass” for the couple of years after we broke up. There’s little I remember about our relationship back then except certain feelings of memories, but I do remember after we broke up, I appeared to be the most annoying person on the planet to him and he made it be known. Considering this apology took place years after he’d outgrown that and we were on good terms, it took me by surprise. However, I don’t appreciate it any less, especially since I still have record of it and can stumble upon it at various random points in my life and be reminded of that moment.

Then there are the more dangerous logs that I’ve kept that are more negative or shameful than anything. Inappropriate exchanges with boys, people telling me how I ruined them3… I really can’t recall what was going through my mind when I decided to burn these logs to a disc that made me think it was a good idea to do so with these particular logs. This is where I wax philosophical… While I go through my life thinking I don’t make that much of an impact on people or in their life, perhaps I kept them to remind myself of the contrary. Though, with this particular person, my memory and certain other logs remind me that they were overly dramatic, even for most other teenagers I knew at the time.

Perhaps I should change the title to “dwelling in the past is dangerous”? Well, as long as I just take occasional visits instead of living there, what’s the harm, right? :)

  1. Yesturday, anyone? ↩
  2. Different from the aforementioned ex-boyfriend. ↩
  3. Should I feel worse that I can’t remember what I did to ruin them? I mean, it has been at least 7 years since then… ↩
Author name:
Discussion:
1 Comment

Tomarrow? Eugh

I was still misspelling “tomorrow” going into my junior year of high school. Not to mention how cringe-worthy my writing quirks were! I lot of replacing normal words with some altered version of it such as “gawd” instead of “God”. This is coming from one of my old LiveJournals. I wrote a lot about my ex-boyfriend and all the back & forth drama of that. We were on & off for a total of 3 years or so. Pretty much up until I met and started going out with the husband. We were mostly off, but I was fighting to get him back as my boyfriend. He finally wanted to get back together, but by that point I was over it. I miss him, though. He was a great guy and a good friend. I found him on Facebook last month and I requested him as a friend. He didn’t reciprocate and that made me sad. I understand, though.

It feels like the week I spent in AZ was much longer than it was. I cleaned out the refrigerator tonight and I was questioning how good all the food in it was, but most of it would’ve been just fine for the week I was gone, I’m sure. The items I threw out included leftovers the husband had stuck in there that I know he wouldn’t touch again, let alone me. I do swear that my memory isn’t very good considering everything is such a blur, even just over a week ago.

Overall, my trip out to AZ to visit Angel, Kristen and (to finally meet) Robby was nice. I got to meet all of the cats, dogs and ferrets I’ve heard so much about. I can’t say I’m a fan of coming home with a suitcase full of clothes covered in pet hair, though lol. I’m so grateful that they flew me out there & back. It was great spending time with friends, especially since I haven’t done so in a while as far as my friends out here. Just little visits here & there, but it never feels like enough :(

I can’t believe how hot it was when I woke up around 0945 this morning. I had turned the fan on during the night, but not the actual air conditioner. Unfortunately, I don’t know how cool it’s supposed to get starting tomorrow, so I’m not sure if I should keep the windows closed and set the thermostat for the AC tonight or leave the windows open, letting in the cold of tonight and risk it being warm when I wake up. I do not like waking up in a sweat. I do not like heat, what-so-ever. Bring on the cold, baby! I’d rather bundle up any day!

The husband left a large hickey on my neck and though it wasn’t as dark as hickies typically are, it was enough to warrant concealer and other make-up to mask it for work this afternoon. Of course, I couldn’t just do my neck and risk the difference in color compared to my face, so I ended up doing my whole face and neck. I added some light eyeshadow, mascara and little blush to brighten up my face beyond the shoddy cover-up job I managed. The foundation I had available had been in the car for over a week, exposed to temperature changes and it separated so I need to throw it out. Not to mention I wasn’t able to prep my face for makeup application, which includes a washing, scrubbing and moisturizer. Foundation seems to cake and shit when I don’t prep my face appropriately, so I end up looking flaky and weird. I’ve always been wary of makeup. I’ve seen so many shoddy applications in my years and I never want to look that bad.

For one, I wish that more women and girls knew that they need to blend their foundation not just into their face, but ears and NECK too. Haven’t you seen those pictures of girls in revealing tops and as you move north to their faces, it’s a completely different shade? It’s awful. That’s one of my pet peeves about people and their makeup. When I was in high school, it used to be the girls who seemingly took a Sharpie to their eyebrows and drew clown-like arches on their foreheads. They got made fun of a lot by me and my best friend of the time, Dee. Boy, we were relentless in the way we made fun of them, but just to each other.

I was just overwhelmed with sleepiness. I suppose it’s a good of time as any to head to bed. I want to work on laundry but our washer/dryer unit isn’t drying our clothes at all, pretty much. I had to hang a throw, my work pants and a small handful of hand towels so they’d dry thoroughly. Ridiculous.

Guess what? Deathly Hollows is coming out in a couple of weeks! EXCITING! *SQUEE* I won’t be making the effort of a midnight showing, however. I went to one for Half Blood Prince and the experience just turned me off. Who smokes pot in a movie theater waiting to see the newest Harry Potter flick?? I never saw the correlation between Harry Potter and pot. Except the obvious play on words in regards to his last name, of course. :|

Author name:
Discussion:
No Comments

Who’s That Girl?

Somebody set off a firecracker in the men’s room at work tonight. It pissed off an older gentleman customer who proceeded to (of course?) complain to our manager. I’m not exactly sure what he wanted or expected us to do in this case, except for letting us know and doing whatever it was that was necessary. Is there protocol for firecrackers in the bathroom? I’m finally winding down from how wired I was after the busy end to my shift. As in, I yawn and tears form in my eyes.

My mind’s been so frazzled lately. I don’t know what’s up with me. One night at work, I had managed to believe it was an hour later than it really was, so I had become excited I’d be off work sooner than I was. This past Thursday, I somehow convinced myself that it was Friday and had, once again, become excited that I’d have the following day off. Wow. I’m also easily distracted. I was trying to focus on one particular task dealing with the website and ended up doing some file organizing in my documents folder. Truth be told, I’m sure a lot of reorganization needs to be done here, on my computer, elsewhere online and especially in my home. Once all that reorganization is taken care of, it’d be a lot easier to focus and complete tasks I assign myself.

I’ve been reading over old entries in an old LiveJournal of mine and I realize how deliberate my blogging has become. There’s no more random thoughts being jotted down on screen and posted all willy-nilly. I was so random, and pretty painfully so most of the time. My speech/typing habits were awful. They’d progressed from my oldest LiveJournal, but there was still a lot of improvement to be had. I’m sure I could STILL do with some improvement. Who can’t? I realized that I couldn’t stand reading the entries that were just one line after another of random banter. I preferred reading my more structured posts, as rare as they were. It helped me to see the picture of what was going on at that time in my life better than the verbal diarrhea I had.

I couldn’t go to bed without listening to some Hilary Duff. Yes, I adore her, don’t judge me. Actually, go ahead and judge me. I don’t care. I like what I like and nothing will change that ;) On a (sort of) related note, I did indeed Love a Selena Gomez song on last.fm *geek*

The husband will be waking up soon for his shift at work, I think I’ll save the guff he’ll give me for still being awake by going to bed now.

PS: Expect more sponsored/paid blog posts. I need as much extra money as I can make.

Author name:
Discussion:
No Comments