Mikachu · nu

I am a sentimental kind of person. I love to reminisce, even though it usually gets me weepy and yearning to either revisit or even relive those past times. Not to mention, thanks to my romantasising even the worst of them, if enough time has passed, there’s almost no point in the past that I wouldn’t go back to for at least a moment. I mean, looking back on chat logs between an ex-boyfriend and I about whether we would get back together… I can’t remember exactly how I was feeling back at that moment other than what was said in those conversations and what paths we took, I’m thinking now why didn’t I? Reminiscing, especially if I have physical aids, is dangerous for me

Considering I found logs burned onto a CD that go back as far as 2000(!!!!), there’s also the fact of how I just … typed. 13 years old and I definitely had the lazy grammar and bad spelling ¹ that is hallmark of that age group. Not only that, but I tried to be “creative” in my bad typing. I used “yu” instead of “you”… A LOT. That’s hard to read. I feel flush with embarrassment the way I conveyed myself in some conversations. However, I can definitely see the progression I made since I have logs up to 2004. I definitely got better, let me tell you. Hell, I don’t even need these chat logs to display how awful I was with typing in the past. I have LiveJournals that show it even worse!

Now, there’s nothing like finding a conversation saved for a purpose. Lord knows the logs I have saved aren’t all the conversations I’ve had over those years. One such conversation was as casual as they come between a guy friend of mine and this friend actually happened to be an ex². It started out unassuming and quite casual and out of nowhere, he apologizes. A simple couple of lines of an apology for having acted like an “ass” for the couple of years after we broke up. There’s little I remember about our relationship back then except certain feelings of memories, but I do remember after we broke up, I appeared to be the most annoying person on the planet to him and he made it be known. Considering this apology took place years after he’d outgrown that and we were on good terms, it took me by surprise. However, I don’t appreciate it any less, especially since I still have record of it and can stumble upon it at various random points in my life and be reminded of that moment.

Then there are the more dangerous logs that I’ve kept that are more negative or shameful than anything. Inappropriate exchanges with boys, people telling me how I ruined them³… I really can’t recall what was going through my mind when I decided to burn these logs to a disc that made me think it was a good idea to do so with these particular logs. This is where I wax philosophical… While I go through my life thinking I don’t make that much of an impact on people or in their life, perhaps I kept them to remind myself of the contrary. Though, with this particular person, my memory and certain other logs remind me that they were overly dramatic, even for most other teenagers I knew at the time.

Perhaps I should change the title to “dwelling in the past is dangerous”? Well, as long as I just take occasional visits instead of living there, what’s the harm, right?

The latest I’ve worked is 11pm with my current employer. I’ve never closed and the earliest I’ve worked is 7:30am or so… so technically I guess I’ve helped open, but not nearly as early as others. Sometimes after I’m off work at night, I’ll look at the clock a few hours later and realize we’re still open and my coworkers are still at it! I was actually let off a little under an hour early tonight. Early in the week are generally our least busy days.

You know what’s a very interesting series to watch? The History of Sex on the History channel. They go through the beginning of humanity through current times. There are so many interesting things that occurred sex-wise early on in history. It’s astounding, sometimes! The ignorance and surface prudishness of even early doctors, and the amazing hidden perversity experienced by both sexes is just… awesome to learn about!

The Dodgers are seriously disappointing me now. They’ve fallen into 3rd fricken place, behind the Giants, for our division. It’s causing me to lose any hope that they’ll perform well for us against the Yankees this Sunday! I want to see them kick Yankee butt! Just going to the game will be pretty awesome. It’s the gift my cousin is giving my husband for his birthday and myself plus my dad get to go along for the fun. I’m excited! I wanted to get him an authentic Lasorda jersey but they’re 1) expensive and 2) hard to find! Replicas are much easier to get your hands on, but I wanted the real thing… I eventually want to get myself a Piazza Dodgers jersey Those are even harder to find! There are plenty of Mets jerseys for him

Gosh, I need money. I need to win the lottery! It would help my chances if I actually played the lottery, huh?