Tag: finances

This Sick Strange Darkness

After I read a comment Kylie left on my lest entry1, I realized that my disconnect from radio & TV might be more significant than I realize. I don’t know what’s currently popular or new other than anything posted on my Facebook news feed from friends. Because of that, I decided to listen to one of the radio stations I’d be listening to if I were driving around in L.A.. I walked out of using my bathroom to hear a familiar beginning to a song and my first reaction was “I need to answer my phone!”. It was Blink-182′s “I Miss You” which was the ringtone for my ex for quite a while. Talk about an inadvertent slap from reality.

That leads me to the simple statement that I just don’t like life lately. I feel like I keep getting thrown these minor curve balls and it’s just enough to keep me struggling without being obvious about it. I’m progressing in my friendships at work and had planned on going out with a group of them on Thursday night and I was scheduled to close and I rarely am scheduled closing shifts. I’ve tried to swap with a coworker or give it away, but I’ve had no luck. I thought things were going well with bills and then I find out that unless something is taken care of by me or auto-deduct, it’s not being paid and apparently the ex just can’t handle living on a budget so things are constantly behind, even though he keeps adding on to his expenses. This is the biggest reason this divorce needs to be finalized so I can completely separate myself from his irresponsible ass and get my life on track.

A life that I’ll pretty much be starting from scratch. It’s looking like I’ll end up moving back in with my parents once the lease is up here. It’s proving difficult to find a room to rent within a decent distance of work that provides me a decent walking distance and/or access to the bus. Affordability is no concern in this ear, it’s availability and transportation. God, I miss having a car at my disposal.

I was chatting with my friend, Nessa, and she brought up how fortunate I am to have my family to always fall back on and it’s so true. There’s been no amount of help and support I’ve been denied from them for most of my life and it’s definitely been true since getting the divorce papers and being screwed on virtually everything that’s been tied to my marriage. It prompted me to realize that I’m stuck going back & forth between feeling so damn grateful for what I do have that others don’t and feeling sorry for my super shitty situation.

On a different note, the annual family vacation to the Silver Lake Resort is approaching very quickly! That’ll be a great getaway without having to worry about anything. I seriously can’t wait. I’m starting to feel more optimistic already. Time… Time heals all… I just have to remember that sometimes.

  1. Albeit, 7 days late… ↩
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I Don’t Like To Think Too Much

There have been quite a few times where I have opened up a new post page and wanted to write something, anything down, but I just haven’t. I think it comes down just not wanting to think about the random things that have been occurring in my world lately. There hasn’t been anything particularly bad, but I don’t care to have it all swarming in my head when it comes time to express it.

For one, the ex hasn’t been his typical awesome self. Ignoring me for days on end, if not an almost an entire week, and subsequently leaving me without transportation, save for my own two feet and the kindness of Jess and a few other guys on the random occasion. I honestly can’t complain too much about having to walk, primarily to work and back, since it’s the only real exercise I really get lately. I even bought a new pair of walking/running shoes to help with the aching feet, since making the 15-20 minute trek to and from in my work shoes wasn’t working out. Yes, I have other pairs of shoes to make due, but aside from a pair of running shoes I’ve had since I before I was out of the military, they weren’t too great for my feet in that respect either. They’re really light and ever-so-slightly put a literal bounce in my step. It’s kind of amazing how I forget what a good pair of shoes can feel like!

I had my first wax a few weeks ago. Not just any, though, but a full-on Brazilian! I was actually amazed that the part that I thought would hurt the most, didn’t at all! I also got a great deal for being a first-time customer. The price to maintain the wax is fairly steep at the place I went to, but I may keep it going for at least a little bit to see if it what they say is true if you keep waxing. I’m talking about the hair growing back slower, it being less painful, the growing back less itchy & annoying vs. shaving, etc. I was kind of sad that I didn’t get to put the landscaping to use, though, LOL. What a waste. It was amazing how smooth I felt and NAKED!

My best friend here, Jess, is moving about 40 minutes away, to the north. When she told me, it brought tears to my eyes on a night I already felt bad. She works closer to where she’ll be living, but she still has school down here, so I won’t NOT see her, but I definitely won’t be able to see her as often as I was, which makes me real sad.

I had a night where I had a pretty bad anxiety attack. It was brought on by learning the ex had blocked me from Facebook and he had started ignoring me completely and I was trying to figure out what to do with the divorce situation, as well as myself and how I’m going to live my life after it all. Needless to say, there are a LOT of things I need to take by the horns and tackle to get started. I think it’s a little more difficult for me since I don’t have a deadline to stick to. I think I’m motivated more by deadlines as it forces me to get things done. It didn’t help me in school, but with actual life responsibilities, it feels like a different story. One of the things I’m going to try and achieve is getting on full-time status with my job. There’s a lot of free time that I could do without having and I could definitely do with the income, especially if I’ll be living on my own in the near future!

As for other random things I’ve been thinking about, mostly prefaced by “Why…”:

  • … did I consider it a good idea to stay up until 6 in the morning today? It is my weekend, but I still will never really enjoy being awake while the sun rises.
  • … do I get myself into the strange situations with boys that I do? There’s been nothing bad, just awkward and not conducive to becoming a stronger, wiser individual.
  • Should I let Gunny continue to try and annoy the hell out of me in attempt to get me to feed her or give in? Eh, it’s time for another feeding, anyway. Give in, it is.
  • … did I think it wouldn’t be so cold out when I decided to have the rare at-home cigarette? As a person with experience in weather forecasting, I should know that the coolest part of the day is in the early morning hours.

One thing I would really like to do is get check-ups across the board. Girly bits, general health, and in particular, my tonsils! I have a hell of time with them being swollen so often, and that’s on top of them being larger than normal anyway. I also have problems with tonsilloliths1, especially since they actually cause some bleeding when I managed to dislodge them and I’m sure they don’t help with my breath. Talk about some appetizing conversation for breakfast, huh? I don’t get large ones like some of the examples provided on the wiki page, but they’re numerous and it’s not fun.

66/366 - hot chocolate 67/366 - oil change time 68/366 - laser eyes 69/366 - Something to drink 70/366 - high mileage 71/366 - These things get me flossing. 72/366 - Karaoke time. 73/366 - WTF bag? Why u no open without ripping? 74/366 - This stuff smells delicious! 75/366 - Controlling what my iPod is playing from afar. 76/366 - Wearing my glasses for longer... 77/366 - Beautiful day, if I do say so myself heh 78/366 - Our safety rewards cane in. Starbucks, yay! 79/366 - Another walk home from work. 80/366 - I like yellow stuff on my fries. 82/366 - Taco time with Jesse! 83/366 - Hey kitty, you're not supposed to lay in there... 84/366 - Sometimes, you just need a little support in some places. 85/366 - Another walk home, version slightly wet and dark. 86/366 - Dumdum time. 87/366 - An early start on the easter candy. 88/366 - Working on homemade pico for tacos tonight. 89/366 - dreary afternoon.

  1. Tonsil stones. They’re gross and uncomfortable! ↩
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Fat Tuesday

I have been without cable since August and it really is amazing how the more minor holidays arrive and I have no idea because I’m not being barraged with “_____ Day SALE THIS WEEKEND!” or whatever selling point they have attached to the holiday coming up. For instance, Valentine’s day kind of snuck up on me, which is totally okay. I really wish it had come and gone without much notice, but of course everyone single or not has to blow up social medias about the damn day. It could have been just another Tuesday, but nope. Also having a coworker constantly white at another one1 where her flowers were made it that much harder to ignore. The cupcakes and brownies she brought in, however, made up for it. Today? Today is Mardi Gras. I would hear more about it if I were still in the South, but instead, it will be Cinco de Mayo and St. Patrick’s Day that will get the noise going for people out here in Southern California. Also, a new one I swear I haven’t heard before is Pancake Day, but from what Wikipedia says, it’s primarily observed2 in New Zealand, Australia, Canada and the UK, especially Ireland. There is some observance in the US, but I obviously haven’t been exposed to it and now that I have a wider base of friends and acquaintances, it’s just a new thing I have gotten to learn!

I tell you, after writing that long paragraph, I haven’t seen that much red underlining in quite a while! Chrome decided it needed to learn new words, particularly ones in non-English languages and has had me brush up on which vowels are the correct ones to use in certain, longer words. :lol:

Care for some drama? Sure! Don’t we all? As long as it isn’t yours, am I right? I know that is how I am. Two weeks ago, I took the train up to L.A. for the occasion of my mom’s and a couple of friends’ birthdays. That all went swimmingly3. Where the snag hit was when Devin was supposed to pick me up to head back down to S.D. on Thursday. He had told me he was heading up to L.A. on Wednesday night over the phone. I told him to keep in touch. What happens? I can’t get in touch with him on Thursday and at one point, his phone is definitely off. Cue my checking the bank account to see if I can decipher what he was up to. I come to find out he has spent enough money at the Hard Rock Hotel to keep us from paying rent. On top of that, which Hard Rock Hotel is he staying in? Las fucking Vegas, a solid 4-hour drive from L.A. and 6 from S.D. I wasn’t sure if he drove there, flew there, whatever. I was relatively stranded in a city 3 hours from where I’m currently living and working and have a cat at home to take care of. So I took action. Cue my pulling out everything but $50 from the bank account so that I can TRY to pay rent, with help from my mom. Not only that, but my parents let me borrow one of their cars to drive myself home. It is quite convenient that this just so happens to be the week that both of my parents are working for the Northern Trust Open4, so they really only need one car. When I finally see the twit, he tells me he just “needed to get away”. I told him, I don’t give a fuck, do what you want, but not when we still have bills to pay in both of our names! You could let everything go to default for all I care, but only AFTER this divorce is final and after my name is off of anything you could fuck up. I’ve never been so eager for a relationship to end completely in my life!

On other annoying notes, my store manager managed to convince herself that President’s Day was last weekend and not this weekend, so all of the extra bodies we could have used for the holiday rushes weren’t scheduled when they really needed to be. In the era of smart phones, Internet and Siri5, there’s really no excuse. Not to mention, we have a day planner book for associates to put in their requests for days off and that would certainly have the holiday mentioned. But hey, she’s human and allowed those brain fart moments, right? :|

Now for yet another long-overdue Project 366 digest! I had another late photo this time around… oops.

30/366 31/366 32/366 - Breakfast of champions. 33/366 - I accidentally ran through 99 fries and cheeseburgers... Needless to say, it took forever for the void to finish printing. 34/366 - Sparkling clean bathroom! 35/366 - I don't think she likes being told "no" 36/366 - after work drink 37/366 - another train ride up to LA. 38/366 - driving around town 39/366 - des amis pour toujours 40/366 - It appears another cold has reared its ugly head.. 41/366 - I helped Jess clean her kitchen 42/366 - another late shot, due to closing at work. 43/366 - a beer and my glasses 44/366 - Time for a chocolate. 45/366 - can't complain about homemade cupcakes! 46/366 - I have too many pairs of PJ pants... 47/366 - For not being a runner, I gotta start somewhere. 48/366 - Some delicious sushi for lunch. 49/366 - Delicious water. 50/366 - girl scout cookies! 50/366 - My first "dumpster" find heh 51/366 - My cat is so fat... Yup.

  1. In jest. ↩
  2. As Shrove Tuesday – a mild-mannered cousin of Mardi Gras? ↩
  3. Even if I did forget my mom’s birthday until I was sitting down for dinner and noticed her birthday card & flowers from my dad… Oops!! ↩
  4. As they’ve done for over a decade, and many sponsor changes. ↩
  5. Which a shift manager had her use to figure out when the holiday was… and she still didn’t get it right. ↩
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What a Relief

In times like these, if you have any amount of debt, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m in debt, but we’re not as bad off as others, so I may be able to see the light a little better sometimes. That doesn’t mean that I don’t break down, panicking about our financials from time to time because the situation just appears so hopeless. Thankfully I haven’t been bombarded with collection calls in the past couple months, thanks to some debt negotiation with them. Now I just get calls from the companies I’m not necessarily in debt with, but we’ve been late with payments due to not being able to catch up and organize our finances to be able to pay on time. Ugh, I’m embarrassed to even think about it, let alone admit it to the general public.

I’ve done a debt settlement or two on a couple of my credit card accounts, which has helped quite a bit in regards to what I paid and I what I actually owed. The best thing, though, that I did with those accounts was cut up the cards! I did that about two years ago. Sadly enough, I still have a little less than half to pay off since the money I’ve been making has been half of what I made while in the Air Force.

In moments of desperation, I’ve thought about contacting a debt relief firm and see what, if anything, they could help us with. However, most of those companies advertise towards those in more significant debt. So, I’ve felt weird about going to them for only a few thousand dollars that can be easily taken care of with the right budget and discipline. We definitely need better discipline with our spending habits. Rather, the husband does. I keep mine to a minimum but he can’t help but go out, buying food and his precious fútbol jerseys. I know I can spend money, but with as little as I’m bringing in, I try and keep it down. If only he’d do that same.

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Keep Your Money

The economical situation these days is awful. Terrible. Terribad, if you will. I don’t know about anyone else, but I feel like I’m constantly treading water in the middle of the ocean. While my debt isn’t that awful, it’s definitely not good. It all started when I, then shortly thereafter the husband, was discharged from the military. That’s a lot of money to suddenly not be making. It not only sucks to look up my credit score and see how low it’s dropped, but the overall economical health of the world around me is just as depressing.

Luckily, I’m knowledgeable enough about certain services and products that claim to provide help, or a life jacket, when it comes to such tight times. A lot of financial services that seem to good to be true, as most things, are. Commercials for pay-day loans are comparable in rates to overdraft charges you get hit with when you go even a penny in the red. The actual cost isn’t worth what it’s covering. Same with credit score and report services, like FreeScore.com. You should know that you can get your credit report for absolutely free once a year from AnnualCreditReport.com (provided by the government). Other services with their fancy jingles and cute lip-synching lead-singers will pull you in with the free report, but they’ll be charging you for their credit monitoring service unless you’re quick and smart enough to remember to cancel within the week or so they give you.

It really helps to be hyper-vigilant of services that say they can help you. Know what you’re getting into and read the fine print. You can never be too careful with your money!

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