A past with somebody that used to make me feel at home. I had nothing but romantic ideals about the two of us. And we were almost perfect. He brought out the best in me. We were close friends. We shared many interests. It was really a friendship on fire. It was innocent love. A love I hadn’t known before because all other relationships I’d had, had corrupted me somehow. I had romantic ideals that were never fulfilled. But he seemed to fill those. And at first, our physical attraction was on fire as well.
His house was a second home. His family adored me. Our friends were friends. We were a great couple. Home is where the heart is, and he was my home.
However, as he seemed to fill my ideals, I became scared and things felt like they were closing in on me. He left nothing to be desired… so my young and restless heart started to desire a freedom away from what it had always wanted.
Down the road, I realized I needed to be with him. I changed for him. He brought me to a new light and another realization hit me. As we were going back and forth, trying to figure out our feelings for each other, we were always just a friendship on fire. And that fire was slowly fading out for me.
My heart ached for him, but my love for him wasn’t complete. I had known physical relationships before I had known emotional love. He revealed emotional love to me, but I knew that what we had wasn’t going to fulfill my every ideal. There wasn’t a spark anymore. I had come to love him deeply as a friend, a former mate, and a brother. A friend that I’ll always wonder a little about, but nonetheless, just a friend.
If ever there was a song that had been ours… it was Chantal Kreviazuk’s “Feels Like Home”… and even though I’ve erased most old associations with him, I don’t think that song will ever not belong to him.
