Self

This Sick Strange Darkness

After I read a comment Kylie left on my lest entry1, I realized that my disconnect from radio & TV might be more significant than I realize. I don’t know what’s currently popular or new other than anything posted on my Facebook news feed from friends. Because of that, I decided to listen to one of the radio stations I’d be listening to if I were driving around in L.A.. I walked out of using my bathroom to hear a familiar beginning to a song and my first reaction was “I need to answer my phone!”. It was Blink-182′s “I Miss You” which was the ringtone for my ex for quite a while. Talk about an inadvertent slap from reality.

That leads me to the simple statement that I just don’t like life lately. I feel like I keep getting thrown these minor curve balls and it’s just enough to keep me struggling without being obvious about it. I’m progressing in my friendships at work and had planned on going out with a group of them on Thursday night and I was scheduled to close and I rarely am scheduled closing shifts. I’ve tried to swap with a coworker or give it away, but I’ve had no luck. I thought things were going well with bills and then I find out that unless something is taken care of by me or auto-deduct, it’s not being paid and apparently the ex just can’t handle living on a budget so things are constantly behind, even though he keeps adding on to his expenses. This is the biggest reason this divorce needs to be finalized so I can completely separate myself from his irresponsible ass and get my life on track.

A life that I’ll pretty much be starting from scratch. It’s looking like I’ll end up moving back in with my parents once the lease is up here. It’s proving difficult to find a room to rent within a decent distance of work that provides me a decent walking distance and/or access to the bus. Affordability is no concern in this ear, it’s availability and transportation. God, I miss having a car at my disposal.

I was chatting with my friend, Nessa, and she brought up how fortunate I am to have my family to always fall back on and it’s so true. There’s been no amount of help and support I’ve been denied from them for most of my life and it’s definitely been true since getting the divorce papers and being screwed on virtually everything that’s been tied to my marriage. It prompted me to realize that I’m stuck going back & forth between feeling so damn grateful for what I do have that others don’t and feeling sorry for my super shitty situation.

On a different note, the annual family vacation to the Silver Lake Resort is approaching very quickly! That’ll be a great getaway without having to worry about anything. I seriously can’t wait. I’m starting to feel more optimistic already. Time… Time heals all… I just have to remember that sometimes.

  1. Albeit, 7 days late… ↩
Author name:
Discussion:
2 Comments

April’s Favorites

Since there were no blogs to report on my life at all last month, I thought I would provide a peace offering inspired by Kylie @ Kayjer.com and give you my favorites of last month. If I have any… I haven’t actually gone through the list to pick ‘em out yet, so I’ll be doing this real-time in relation to writing this out. I feel like I should be vlogging this instead? I’ve been watching way too much YouTube lately, FYI.

Book

I suck at reading. By that, I mean, I have reading ADD. I’ll crack open a book and read on the toilet and have complete intention of actually reading the whole thing, but it ends up taking me over a year to get around to it. For instance, The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown is what’s currently on my toilet, but I let my magazines distract me. I’ll let that book be my favorite since it’s the only one that has gotten any attention from me.

Song

Shoooot. I’m not sure if I’m confusing what song(s) have been drilled into my brain because suddenly the whole world caught on and it was the most shared video on my Facebook feed (Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye), but I actually really fell in love with “We Are Young” by fun.. Blame Glee. They introduced the song to me and once an official video of the original came out, I was in love with both version.


(In case the embed doesn’t work: http://youtu.be/Sv6dMFF_yts)

Movie

I don’t see a lot of new movies. I think the last one(s) I saw in theater was Breaking Dawn & The Three Musketeers in a drive-in in Santee1. I have been trying to watch more movies via Netflix and other methods. I think the one I’ve liked the best that I’ve seen this past month was Sense and Sensibility. I have a certain love for period movies like that.

TV Show

I watched & finished up My So-Called Life series2. It didn’t help my raging Lady Boner for Jared Leto and it made me remember how angsty middle/high school was and for that, I felt embarrassed. I also had hair in similar cut & color as Claire Danes’ from the show, and I think when people have said I look like her, I’m pretty sure it was from that era.

YouTube Video


(In case the embed doesn’t workhttp://youtu.be/RRBoPveyETc)

Game

I didn’t play any games last month. Truth. Well, I do kill time during smokes and before I fall asleep with solitaire and Sudoku on my phone. Those would count, right? The only games I play are by default the favorite, right?

Bath & Beauty Product

I really love Cover Girl Lash Blast 24 Hour mascara. It makes my eyelashes look awesome and it stays put if I happen to tear up/cry… Which has been happening a lot after I put on eye shadow, for some reason.

Article of Clothing

I bought a cute black top from Old Navy that has a few buttons along the tops of the shoulders and I like it a lot. I haven’t worn it more than once or twice, though.

Drink

Sparkling water. It hydrates AND is carbonated AND is calorie free. Winner!

  1. Fricken AWESOME, btw. ↩
  2. All one season of it! ↩
Author name:
Discussion:
2 Comments

And So It Goes

There’s nothing like tossing & turning, trying to get to sleep and all the while feeling that strange tickle in your lungs like you need to cough, constantly. I bought soups from Vons, some grapefruit juice and more cold medicine. Oh, and fabric softener because I ran out and need to do a bunch of laundry… eventually. I also need to wash a ton of dishes because I’ve been silently protesting cleaning the apartment. Who am I kidding? I just didn’t fucking feel like it. I still don’t, especially now.

I did manage a win in that Devin cleaned up all the junk mail that had accumulated on the floor and took out the trash. Since it’s a surprise whenever he cleans, I asked him about it and he said that the trash had started stinking, so he took it out. If there’s anything that’ll prompt me to clean, it’s stink. Unfortunately, I can’t smell anything lately, so I didn’t get that inspiration. I told him it was likely all the dirty dishes in the sink that stink, anyway, but I’m sure the trash didn’t help. He did say he’d wash half of the dishes if I did half.

I hate coughing.

Author name:
Discussion:
No Comments

Woops

I missed a day of NaBloPoMo. After being ditched for wine tasting yesterday by the husband, I was feeling the cabin fever after spending almost 2 straight days of watching TV shows online and not doing much else. Thankfully, while my friend Jessica and her friend James were hanging out at her place being sick, we were all hungry so I went with them for some Chick-Fil-A. We then went to the bar near by and spent a couple of hours watching James cockblock.

I had 1.5 drinks, but I smoked and so I’m quite feeling the decrease in my immunity system right now. Serves me right. I was feeling better and now I’m feeling worse off. I’m primarily suffering from drowsiness1, coughing up phlegm and congestion. At least my throat doesn’t hurt too much as that would make my job that much harder. It sucks to have talking as a predominant part of your job when you’re ill.

On another note, I’m finally figuring out how to improve Gunny’s diet. The husband picked up some Iams since we ran out of her good diet food2 and I noticed she starts whining for food almost immediately after finishing it off. I can ignore her for the most part when I’m awake, but it’s the most infuriating thing when I’m trying to get as much sleep as I can before work or while I feel like poop! I don’t know why I never Googled it before. It seems like such obvious knowledge that I should’ve had a long time ago3. Needless to say, I’m more aware of what she needs in her food and what to stay away from, in regards to the main ingredients. Thankfully I have two cans of the wet good diet food that I can give her in the meantime until I can make my way to Petco for more of the dry stuff.

  1. Most likely due from the Mucinex DM. ↩
  2. I pick up the food from Petco and he just picks up whatever’s advertised as “low fat” or “diet”. ↩
  3. Though, she wasn’t always fat or whiny for food, mind you. ↩
Author name:
Discussion:
No Comments

It’s Mah Burfday!

I has a cupcake

I am officially in my mid-20s. The big ol’ two-five. How scary! Not really. It’s exciting. I love birthdays and I don’t mind a big getting older. Perhaps that’ll change when I’m inching towards new decades but right now, I’m just fine :) In the picture above, one of my coworkers brought in a giant cupcake with candles all lit and they all sang me happy birthday. I had just clocked out and it was midnight, so it was done pretty much on the dot. How awesome, right??

Things in the apartment are slow-going as far as unpacking goes. I’ve also missed two weeks of “laundry day” Thursdays. I’ll try catching up tomorrow. I need to get shit done soon, since my Marinara friends are coming down the 2nd weekend of September to visit!! I can’t wait! I miss them tons!!

Last night I went to my first drive-in movie in, oh, probably 15 years! My friend Jessica and I took her truck with the roomy cab and watched Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Captain America: The First Avenger. I don’t think I would have seen them otherwise. I’m just not a theater-goer much these days unless it’s something I seriously need to see in theaters. Say, oh, like the Harry Potter films haha. It was great times and the fact that you can talk to each other, smoke, drink, eat whatever all through out is a huge perk next to the $8 for two new releases! Hells yeah!

Tonight, the husband and I will be going out with a few friends to our first San Diego/Hillcrest gay bar! I’m definitely excited! Tomorrow is when I’m celebrating my birthday at our bar with karaoke and such. Sunday will be a day of recovery *lol*

The Forgot To Hit Post ETA: I never posted this and that’s kind of embarassing since it was kind of a time-sensitive thing. Everything went pretty well for going out to the gay bar until we discovered a ton of charges from one place hit our account all that day, which kept us from drinking as much as much as we wanted1. What was supposed to be my party for not only my non-coworkers, but my coworker friends as well. Nobody but 4 of my non-work friends showed up. Also, the karaoke machine had broken. And we were still broke. At various points I felt like tears would well up because I felt hurt and I was bummed! However, I felt stupid because I had had such a great time on my actual birthday. You win some, you lose some. It just made me so angry that people RSVPed yes and had told me they were excited for it, even allegedly getting the night off… and nothing. No advanced notice that they couldn’t come because of work or whatever else… Really?? That’s rude. Rude rude rude. *deep breath* I’m just glad that I did have friends who were there for me BOTH nights. They’re the best :) Like, for serious!

  1. After all, we had a DD and it WAS my birthday. ↩
Author name:
Discussion:
3 Comments
Older entries