Mikachu · nu

There is nothing more cumbersome than not being able to escape shit when it is coming at you from multiple directions. Even worse, when shit from at least one direction just doesn’t seem to give any indication that it’ll be easing any time soon. Talk about a drag.

It’s really brought myself to the forefront and what I choices I have, what I could realistically manage on my own, and what I need to just do. However, making a plan and putting it into action is kind of difficult when you’re me because I’m queen of that kind of shit. It’s also a matter of pride, not that I have much right now. How much pride can you possibly have when you’re married to a guy that, ultimately, probably just doesn’t give a shit? I haven’t done anything that I can seriously be proud of in a while and that’s eating away at my self-confidence. I need to do something for me and soon.

One thing that helped take some of that “I’m trying but not really getting anywhere” pressure off was stepping down as an admin on Veracity. I was trying to be as helpful as I could, but the truth was, I just wasn’t. I didn’t have the experience and aptitude to take care of things to help Jenn out where she most needed it. Thankfully someone else stepped up and there’s a good team in play at various levels to help take care of things now. Communication with members is up and running and that’s always a good thing!

This week I suffered from either a flu or, I’m thinking, tonsillitis. I went to a manager’s house for a get-together and halfway through I started feeling absolutely crummy. I ignored it and stuck it out for another hour until a bunch of others started leaving and made my way home from there. When I got home, I was just overwhelmed with body aches and chills. I’m not sure if my skin feeling sensitive to everything would fall under either of those, but I had that, too. I went to work the next day not feeling as crappy, but that didn’t last long. Thankfully my shift was short and when the husband picked me up, we stopped by the supermarket to get some illness goodies. He was inside and apparently a little old lady asked him what he was looking for and he told her about his sick wife. She asked about my symptoms and from that she surmised I had the flu, so she helped him pick out some teas¹, flu medicines, honey and lemons. She instructed him on what I should do with it all and wished me to feel better. What a sweet gesture! It makes me miss my mommy. She’d be doing something like that for me. I downed some NyQuil², tried some of the tea³ and slept. Thankfully I had the next two days off. I slowly felt better day after day, but I still have issues with my tonsils and for whatever reason, my taste buds are messed up. It’s as if my bitter ones are still at 100% but all of the others have been anywhere from 25-75%. It’s kind of gross. I’d say it’s worse than having a completely stuffed up nose and not being able to tasting anything at all! I looked it up and it apparently can happen if you take too many antihistamines, which I did the first day I started treating everything in case I was having some sort of allergy attack.

Now the husband is suffering from some form of what I had. He’s coughing, though, which isn’t a symptom I was suffering from, thankfully. He had an awful day of overtime today/tonight and he came home tired and sick as hell, which strangely enough, resembled him drunk and ornery. Needless to say, I wasn’t amused at his attitude, even if he is sick and had a bad day. I actually was stuck at work for almost 2 hours after I clocked out, waiting for him to pick me up. I was getting more pissed thinking he’d gone out after work to have some fun with his friends⁴ but he really wasn’t let off work until almost 2 hours after I was off. Two ornery people doesn’t make for a good time, but other than the messages I sent him wondering where the eff he was, I didn’t shit on him more since he was so bad off. I hate when I want to be angry⁵ but I should actually be feeling sympathetic. Eugh. Talk about a conundrum.

My mom tells me that the husband and my dad are so very much alike in their personalities… I really feel for her more than ever, since they’ll be married 28 years this year.

The other night, trying to figure out what was going on with the husband, I called and ultimately was on the phone with my MIL¹ for over an hour. It was definitely not a smart thing to do, considering this woman doesn’t think very highly of me. Hell, why mince words? She does not like me, might even hate me, and would rather see her son with his ex girlfriend.

I never got the chance to deliver a good first impression on this woman², and there’s definitely nothing I can do to change her mind now, but boy am I glad she got to unload the past few years of our relationship problems off her chest! Somehow, she almost had me convinced that she could be of help to our relationship, if I just let her in more! Thank goodness my brain kicked in shortly after those thoughts blew through. Her only interest is to help her son, and more than likely, she’s more self-serving than altruistic when it comes to how he gets that happiness³.

I’d love to make all of our lives easier and prove myself to her, but there’s just no doing that. She made up her mind years ago and while she’ll be relatively nice to my face, ultimately she’s not invested in loving me for real, as much as she’ll say it. It kind of makes me disgusted with myself that I gave in and have said I love her too, just because I felt weird with her saying it to me and I didn’t say it back. I can’t stand people who refuse to let their lives get easier by being flexible and willing to forgive or have their mind changed.

I know I can be in my own way a lot of the time, and we’re all our own worst enemy, but Christ!

The facts of the matter are, she doesn’t like me, she won’t change her mind, there’s nothing I can do to change it and I will no longer be doing anything to try and change it. She doesn’t deserve it. And well, the husband doesn’t deserve my efforts either, but I’ve got to start somewhere with the whole “I can’t change everyone’s mind” thing.

If I am being disrespected about the same thing, or from the same source, persistently – even in the form of jesting – I am not laughing or accepting it. It doesn’t matter if you’re my best friend or family. Apparently my mother-in-law and the husband’s (ex) step-mom find it totally okay and appropriate to encourage him to seek a relationship with his ex-girlfriend and in general act like I don’t actually exist as his wife.

I accept that they don’t like me, for both valid and ridiculous reasons. While I never really disliked them, I didn’t take much effort in trying to integrate myself well enough as part of their family. I found it difficult to work against the impression they already had of me and the fact that his family is so much different from mine. All in all, there’s enough on both sides that led to a lack of decent relationship with each other. Needless to say, there’s a lot of fake smiles and niceties that occur when we’re face-to-face. However, I don’t expect I deserve the kind of disrespect they’ve displayed towards me in the past year or so.

As much as I’d weed them out of my life at this point, that’s kind of difficult considering I’m still married to their (step)son, and that won’t change, not in the near future anyway. So they get to deal, I get to deal. At least I can un-friend them from my Facebook and keep them from seeing any possible future things I say that could upset them.

It does seem that there’s enough going on in my life that I’m not happy about. That’s pretty annoying. I’m thankful that I enjoy work! At least not everything sucks. I have that as an escape, even if it happens to be a bad day at work. It’s only one day and every day is different

I’m still suffering with my wisdom tooth. It’s kind of difficult to find a dentist open on the weekend that is accepting patients and takes the right insurance. I’ll have better luck come Monday, hopefully!

This week has been a treat, let me tell you. I don’t know how I haven’t flipped my shit, in all seriousness. I guess it’s because I know it wouldn’t actually do any good to do so.

What’s been going on? Thursday night, after the husband spent his day blowing me off and ignoring me, I finally get a call from him telling me our car’s been impounded. WHAT?! Yeah. Initially he told me that a police officer drove by where it was parked while he was at dinner with his dad, came in to find out who owned it and impounded it because of expired tags. WHAT?! That didn’t make much sense to me, but I didn’t question it because whatever the case was, our car was impounded. I come to find out, after taking the citation and reading it that he was actually pulled over for going 10 MPH over the speed limit, was cited for that, driving with a suspended license and lastly for the expired tags.

I think you’ll want to know WTF is wrong with him and us in regards to his license and the tags. His license was suspended after he received a fix-it ticket for too-dark tinted windows and he was slacking on sending in the paperwork from the tint place (and subsequently the repossession paperwork) to satisfy the ticket. Since he didn’t fix it or didn’t pay the fine in a timely manner, on they proceed with the suspension. He finally sent the paperwork in, but we just find out that it takes 8 to 12 weeks for the process. It hasn’t been that long.

As far as the tags, we paid our registration so that was taken care of, however the DMV withheld our stickers since we apparently let our insurance lapse late last year. We took care of it shortly after we renewed the registration and sent paperwork in for it to the DMV offices upstate, but they never put it in the system, let alone send us our tags. Many many attempts to contact the offices via phone were fruitless since their voice recognition system SUCKS and the hold times are in the hours to talk to an employee.

I suppose leaving the husband to take care of everything and not following up, making sure he did all that he was supposed to is part of the problem since he can be as effective as I am with getting shit done. I’ve learned my lesson in that respect and hopefully¹ he has too. *sigh*

We’ve taken care of the registration & tags. We’re all good there. Unfortunately, they won’t release the car until he gets his license unsuspended, regardless of the fact that my name is on the car as well and my license is valid. Since the process takes so damn long, we’re having to pay the fine. The con is, that brings what we have to pay to get our car back right now to DOUBLE now that it’s not just the impound & storage fees. We don’t have the money. So we’ve been trying to ask family for help and seeing what else we can do in such a pinch. The plus is we’ll be reimbursed the fine once the appeal process is approved and complete.

Thankfully my trip to Arizona is still on. Wait, what trip to Arizona? I don’t think I’ve mentioned it here, but I’ll be spending a week with Angel, Kristen & Robby over Halloween! They bought me a plane ticket and I’ll be flying out there tomorrow afternoon and returning the Thursday after Halloween. EXCITING! I haven’t decided which old Halloween costume I’ll be taking and wearing and because of all the car crap, I haven’t had an opportunity to pick out the clothes I’m taking to wash them. Hopefully I’ll get some clothes cleaned while we’re out doing our errands. I think the only other time I’ve been less prepared for a long-distance trip is when I had to fly last-minute to CA from SC because my Grandpa was in the hospital² back this time in ’08.

Hopefully it’s a real vacation, the husband gets everything sorted the eff out and we can move on with our lives and work on becoming more financially responsible! Ha.

I think what’s fantastic is that everything that seems to go wrong is always made just a little worse by the arrival of my monthly friend. What excellent time is that? My cramps were pretty awful tonight and I had to drive while suffering them. Blerg. Isn’t my life nothing short of exciting?! :D

Tonight was my sister-in-law’s engagement party. Although, I don’t know if she’s actually my sister-in-law considering her dad and the husband’s mom haven’t been married. They’ve been together forEVER though… if California recognized common law marriage, I’m sure they’d fall under that.

The party was very nice. It was held at an aunt’s house which was gorgeous. It’s as nice as a million dollar tract home can get! It’s up on the hills just on the north side of the San Fernando Valley so there’s a pretty great view from the backyard. It was catered (informally so) and come the toasts, it made me really wish the husband and I had gone the traditional route instead of just up and eloping, leaving everyone else in the dust. I know wedding festivities get expensive, but it’s the whole making those memories with family & friends as the date approaches.

Our two families didn’t really get to know one another until way after we were married. We don’t have photos of us smiling like goofs, happy to be approaching that ceremonious day… I know a lot of people actually prefer that, but I’m kind of a traditionalist and would have loved to be fawned over and bring the families and friends together over the love my husband and I have for each other. It’s a bummer to me.

Don’t worry, though, I don’t spend my time dwelling on the lost memories (and gifts and debt lol) that a wedding would have brought. It’s only when it comes up for others that I feel that whim of loss. Of course, I’m excited for the betrothed! My SIL and her fiance are adorable together. They compliment one another so well! It’s almost gross how cute they are lol.

I do have it in the back of my mind that I’ll get a celebration near one of our upcoming anniversaries in the form of a vow renewal. Not this year, but maybe next year. This year would’ve been nice since it’ll be our 5th wedding anniversary (OMG!) and it would’ve been a nice milestone to celebrate in that fashion, but every year is a milestone for us at this rate! We were married at 19 & 18 (me & him, respectively), so that puts us at a disadvantage since I’ve already seen a handful of young marriages end. We’ve had our issues and we’re still working things through, so really, I’m taking it day-by-day at this point.

I’d say a big thing going in our favor is we don’t have children yet to think & stress about while we’re working on things together.

PS: NINETEEN DAYS UNTIL MY BIRFDAY! It’s now officially AUGUST :D