Family & Friends

Forgiveness Is The Oil of Relationships

Something you have to forgive someone for.

I think because I grew up practically desperate for friends, I never held grudges against those who wronged me for very long. How can you keep friends if you hold grudges? There’s right and wrong to that question since holding onto those grudges can save you the trouble of staying in or going back into a relationship or friendship that was ultimately toxic. However, there’s a fine line between that and holding onto things when they really don’t matter in the big picture and the long run. We’re all human and we’ll end up making mistakes, especially against those that we care the most about, and as much as we’d expect forgiveness for our own errors, we can’t not do the same for others.

That said, I need to forgive certain people, primarily1 former friends, for being who they are and doing what they’ve done. That’s usually what causes the most turmoil between people, right? Yes, they hurt me back when, maybe without even knowing it, but they don’t hurt me anymore because I haven’t kept them in a position to do so. Except where it comes to my holding onto what they’ve done to me. Yes, things hurts and you can’t force that hurt to go away, but holding onto any additional emotion and baggage the came from that hurt will only help it linger and give it lasting power. It’s draining and unnecessary, yet I’ve found myself unable to let go of things as easily as I used to.

I could go into a whole spiel examining why I probably don’t let go of things as easily anymore, but that might be a blog for another night. 2

  1. But not all. ↩
  2. Self: Note that down for when you’re stuck. ↩
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Things Have Been Rough

There is nothing more cumbersome than not being able to escape shit when it is coming at you from multiple directions. Even worse, when shit from at least one direction just doesn’t seem to give any indication that it’ll be easing any time soon. Talk about a drag.

It’s really brought myself to the forefront and what I choices I have, what I could realistically manage on my own, and what I need to just do. However, making a plan and putting it into action is kind of difficult when you’re me because I’m queen of that kind of shit. It’s also a matter of pride, not that I have much right now. How much pride can you possibly have when you’re married to a guy that, ultimately, probably just doesn’t give a shit? I haven’t done anything that I can seriously be proud of in a while and that’s eating away at my self-confidence. I need to do something for me and soon.

One thing that helped take some of that “I’m trying but not really getting anywhere” pressure off was stepping down as an admin on Veracity. I was trying to be as helpful as I could, but the truth was, I just wasn’t. I didn’t have the experience and aptitude to take care of things to help Jenn out where she most needed it. Thankfully someone else stepped up and there’s a good team in play at various levels to help take care of things now. Communication with members is up and running and that’s always a good thing!

This week I suffered from either a flu or, I’m thinking, tonsillitis. I went to a manager’s house for a get-together and halfway through I started feeling absolutely crummy. I ignored it and stuck it out for another hour until a bunch of others started leaving and made my way home from there. When I got home, I was just overwhelmed with body aches and chills. I’m not sure if my skin feeling sensitive to everything would fall under either of those, but I had that, too. I went to work the next day not feeling as crappy, but that didn’t last long. Thankfully my shift was short and when the husband picked me up, we stopped by the supermarket to get some illness goodies. He was inside and apparently a little old lady asked him what he was looking for and he told her about his sick wife. She asked about my symptoms and from that she surmised I had the flu, so she helped him pick out some teas1, flu medicines, honey and lemons. She instructed him on what I should do with it all and wished me to feel better. What a sweet gesture! It makes me miss my mommy. She’d be doing something like that for me. I downed some NyQuil2, tried some of the tea3 and slept. Thankfully I had the next two days off. I slowly felt better day after day, but I still have issues with my tonsils and for whatever reason, my taste buds are messed up. It’s as if my bitter ones are still at 100% but all of the others have been anywhere from 25-75%. It’s kind of gross. I’d say it’s worse than having a completely stuffed up nose and not being able to tasting anything at all! I looked it up and it apparently can happen if you take too many antihistamines, which I did the first day I started treating everything in case I was having some sort of allergy attack.

Now the husband is suffering from some form of what I had. He’s coughing, though, which isn’t a symptom I was suffering from, thankfully. He had an awful day of overtime today/tonight and he came home tired and sick as hell, which strangely enough, resembled him drunk and ornery. Needless to say, I wasn’t amused at his attitude, even if he is sick and had a bad day. I actually was stuck at work for almost 2 hours after I clocked out, waiting for him to pick me up. I was getting more pissed thinking he’d gone out after work to have some fun with his friends4 but he really wasn’t let off work until almost 2 hours after I was off. Two ornery people doesn’t make for a good time, but other than the messages I sent him wondering where the eff he was, I didn’t shit on him more since he was so bad off. I hate when I want to be angry5 but I should actually be feeling sympathetic. Eugh. Talk about a conundrum.

My mom tells me that the husband and my dad are so very much alike in their personalities… I really feel for her more than ever, since they’ll be married 28 years this year. *lazy*

  1. I don’t like tea so I asked him if necessary, pick me out something fruity. ↩
  2. I had no intention of staying awake for the rest of the day feeling like I did. ↩
  3. Ew. ↩
  4. Which has been his track record lately. ↩
  5. Which I am, since one ultimately can’t help how they feel. ↩
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A Merry Christmas

My Christmas holiday was enjoyable. I spent it at my parents’ house, spending a lot of time with family this year. My mom’s older brother and his wife were down from Oregon. I hadn’t seen them since New Year’s Eve in 2005, just a few days after the husband and I eloped. There was a mini-family reunion Thursday afternoon for lunch, with my mom’s twin1, his wife and son, the oldest brother and his wife, my brother and his girlfriend, myself and my parents.

From there, I headed over to my friend’s apartment to meet up with my group of friends known as Marinara2. I was a little late so I was only able to participate in one round of Telestrations, but afterwards we headed over to a part of the SFV3 where a bunch of homes in one neighborhood really go all-out with their yard decorations – they call it Candlight Lane. One house had a giant inflatable bear, decked out in Hanukkah garb. We immediately referred to him as Jew Bear. There were people selling light-up toys up & down the streets and it was quite the popular spot that night! I can’t imagine being a homeowner in that neighborhood. It was especially awesome, since one of our friends was in town for the holiday from D.C., where she’s working & going to school right now.

Friday was the usual tradition of going to my uncle’s house for tamales with my dad’s family. Everyone got a baggie of big, chewy chocolate chip cookies, a reindeer ornament and the recipe for the cookies. We sat around the giant fire pit in the backyard they just recently put in for most of the night.

Christmas day was opening of presents, breakfast by my parents and then a visit with some of the husband’s family.

Speaking of the husband, he drove me up to L.A. on Wednesday, drove back down to S.D. Thursday morning, back to L.A. Friday night and we drove home to S.D. together Saturday night. Talk about a lot of driving! I had planned on staying out until Sunday, but I thought I’d give the guy a break.

Wait, what happened to having my wisdom tooth extracted? It got postponed until the end of January. Although I was eager to have it over with, I’m grateful I was able to eat over the holiday. Not to mention, it’s our wedding anniversary on Wednesday, so to be able to for sure eat solids for a decent dinner is something I’m happy for. We’ll be celebrating 5 years of marriage! Wow… Not that the last one has been particularly great4, hopefully there will be MANY more, and they’ll be LOTS better.

I made off with:

  • A sewing machine
  • An IOU of help towards the trip to Costa Rica for the husband’s dad’s wedding.
  • Harry Potter behind-the-scenes book (thanks, Tay-Tay!)
  • Long john PJs
  • Cashmere scarf
  • Various bath products
  • A decent amount of cash & gift cards
  • Chocolates

If you celebrate Christmas, how did it turn out?

  1. Didn’t you know? She’s a fraternal twin! ↩
  2. We’re saucy! ↩
  3. San Fernando Valley ↩
  4. Do-over, please? ↩
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Dontcha

Tonight I went out with a coworker who is closest to me as friend down here. We had a great time. She’s crazy lol. I think if we were both single, we’d end up tearing this town apart! Her boyfriend’s a Marine and he ended up joining us after an hour or so of just sitting in a bar talking away and drinking. He brought a couple of friends and than her young-ish aunt and her boyfriend joined us, so it ended up being quite a group. Talking and joking and fooling around like the drunk sillies we were. The aunt and boyfriend, coworker and boyfriend ended up crashing at my place. Needless to say, both sets of sheets are being washed ASAP! I’m crashing on my recliner since there’s no couch to crash on lol. I’ll survive, as I have a 3 day “weekend” this week. They ended up parking in our spot in the garage, so we’ll see what ends up happening in the morning when they need to get out… I’ll stick up a post-it on the door to let them know to wake me up when they go down to leave so I can open it up and let them out.

What’s nice is that I drank enough to not really notice or care how my gum/wisdom tooth feels and that’s an amazing relief. I’m sure whatever hangover I have won’t be fun on top of not being able to chew and the annoyance I’ll feel again, but any relief is… a relief *lol* .

Needless to say the husband’s not here. He’s up in L.A., staying at his mom’s doing, having cooked for an aunt’s party. She requested his “services” a couple of weeks ago. It’d be nice if he could cook for US once in a while like he’s cooking for her and her friends. *rollseyes*

I was exploring my old LiveJournal accounts and it’s really amazing how random and obnoxious my posting was. I would post nearly as often on there as one would to their Twitter, and the way I typed and talked was so… irritating. Not that I could say I’m any less irritating now, but at least it’s irritating in a different manner, right? Those who knew me from middle or high school and on and at the same time, knew me online, could say. There’s about five of them, max.

Gosh, I’m tired… I should’ve stolen one of my pillows, at LEAST. Oh well. To sleep…

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I Am Not Amused

If I am being disrespected about the same thing, or from the same source, persistently – even in the form of jesting – I am not laughing or accepting it. It doesn’t matter if you’re my best friend or family. Apparently my mother-in-law and the husband’s (ex) step-mom find it totally okay and appropriate to encourage him to seek a relationship with his ex-girlfriend and in general act like I don’t actually exist as his wife.

I accept that they don’t like me, for both valid and ridiculous reasons. While I never really disliked them, I didn’t take much effort in trying to integrate myself well enough as part of their family. I found it difficult to work against the impression they already had of me and the fact that his family is so much different from mine. All in all, there’s enough on both sides that led to a lack of decent relationship with each other. Needless to say, there’s a lot of fake smiles and niceties that occur when we’re face-to-face. However, I don’t expect I deserve the kind of disrespect they’ve displayed towards me in the past year or so.

As much as I’d weed them out of my life at this point, that’s kind of difficult considering I’m still married to their (step)son, and that won’t change, not in the near future anyway. So they get to deal, I get to deal. At least I can un-friend them from my Facebook and keep them from seeing any possible future things I say that could upset them. *rollseyes*

It does seem that there’s enough going on in my life that I’m not happy about. That’s pretty annoying. I’m thankful that I enjoy work! At least not everything sucks. I have that as an escape, even if it happens to be a bad day at work. It’s only one day and every day is different :)

I’m still suffering with my wisdom tooth. It’s kind of difficult to find a dentist open on the weekend that is accepting patients and takes the right insurance. I’ll have better luck come Monday, hopefully!

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