I wish I had the balls to tell people I think they’re dumb. Seriously. I see so much dumb going on around me in real life and online and it drives me fucking CRAZY. There are also things that go on that people seem to care a whole lot about that I couldn’t give a rat’s patootie for. However, those tend to be occurrences or issues that I should care about, but don’t, and if I made it known, people would put me under the “heartless bitch” category.

To be honest, I prefer people to like me than for me to speak my mind. That’s kind of fucked up, yes? I grew up as the kid in between the “outsiders” and the “cool” kids. I always wanted to be “cool” (whatever that may mean nowadays) but I managed to fit in a little bit better with the “outsiders” (again, whatever that may mean now). Either way, I didn’t have a home and though I appeared or tried not to care, I did, and still do. Strangely enough, it was high school that really did away with those “cool” vs. “outsider” cliques. In high school, there were just too many genres of “cliques” that none of them were cool or outsiders lol, especially in my 2nd high school. The glory of the Los Angeles public school system, I suppose.

I never totally managed to grow into somebody who didn’t give a lick about what people thought. Yes, I don’t care what STRANGERS think, but if you’re somebody I know and are acquainted with, but not good friends with, I don’t want the shit you’ll likely give me for being who I actually am.

If I’m comfortable enough with somebody who can understand my sense of humor or won’t hate me for being who I am… they’ll see it. They’ll see all the shit that I try to hide, the snark, the bitchiness, the real gritty stuff I keep on the down low in general public.

I may have a “fake” me, but it’s so part of me that… it’s actually the real me. WOW, I JUST BLEW YOUR MIND, HUH? That was dumb. Waxing poetic, right? Pfft.

Now I’m off to bed ‘cuz I have a long day and I’m just not making sense anymore. Suck it.