I Am Who I Am – but I can & will change
There’s a lot of good to me. AND there’s quite a bit of bad. Some of it lies in the eye of the beholder, if you will. Sometimes I’m too aware of how awesome I am, other times I’m as annoying to myself as I can be to others. For the most part, I’m just… average.
There’s not much that’s particularly spectacular about me. I’m very lazy. My interests are all over the place and I’m capable in all of the ones I’ve attempted but I’m not great (jack of all trades, anyone?). I’m a good person, but I’m not the best kind.
I can accept who I am, and I do most of the time. But that’s not good. It’s not good for anybody. Why? How else would we evolve? Being content with just who we are and not taking effort to develop feelings, interests or goals is not what anybody should do. There are some things that are definitely almost impossible to change.
For instance, I’ve been told I randomly become very loud when I talk. I don’t know when it happens unless somebody tells me and I don’t know why it happens either. It just happens. It’s kind of hard to change something like that unless you know a root cause or trigger and I just don’t know what it is. I’m sure when I get overly excited, that’s a trigger, but a lot of the time, it can be pretty damn random. I don’t like that it happens because when I’m made aware of it, I become embarrassed and I hate feeling embarrassed! I can’t imagine anybody who does, really. There are other aspects of me that I’d love to change because they’re embarrassing. Such as my laziness. It’s pretty ingrained in me… I’ve stated that Sloth would be my Deadly Sin. Nobody appreciates a lazy person.
As far as positive aspects of myself that I completely accept, I believe I’m an open minded person. Yes, I may make dumb, ignorant or down right WRONG statements are assumptions, but I never stick to them. I’m always open to having my beliefs and opinions change. Some may call that wishy-washy (depending on the subject at hand), but I consider it a good thing. I’m always open to listen to friends even when they’re at their worst – I’ll be open and supportive and if they wish (or if I think they need to hear it), I’ll provide feedback – one way or another.
I accept, overall, that I’m a good person with faulty aspects but I’m always up to the challenge to change and become a better person. Can’t and shouldn’t we all?
I tend to get loud when I talk as well. I always figured it was a cultural thing as most people I know that are part of my culture are very similar in that they are loud or that their voice will rise without awareness unless someone points it out.