Dante’s Prayer
For as emotional as I feel right now, this song started playing in really the massive playlist I’ve made, and it overwhelmed everything and just soothed me… That, or it could be the two beers I’ve downed in the past hour.
I feel like being destructive, but the things I want to do aren’t necessarily destructive. Buying a new outfit, getting my hair done, getting a pedicure… fuck, I want to go out and get another tattoo. Fide et Fortitudine. Those words, my clan’s motto, are what I want inked on my skin next. This has been floating around in my mind for quite a while… It’s just a matter of what font and where on my body I want to place them. If I were a man, I’d have them inked over my heart. However, considering I’m a woman, and not of fan of chest pieces, that’s not going to work. I could do the seemingly trendy thing and have them tattooed on my side. If I weren’t working for a place that didn’t allow visible tattoos, I’d get them on my right inner(underside?) forearm. Ultimately, I think it’d be nice to feel the needle(s) on my skin.
I was never a fan of needles growing up. Not in the slightest. I threw fits if I needed a shot for an immunization or heaven forbid, to have blood drawn. I knew, once I enlisted in the Air Force, that I had to man up and be able to take having needles shoved in my arms without breaking down. They needed blood, they needed to provide immunizations at least yearly. I forced myself over my fear when I did my processing at MEPS and had to have blood samples drawn by a vicious looking Sergeant with the last name of Thrash (no joke). The military was no-nonsense and that was something I needed to do. And I did. As a matter of fact, during one of my last weeks in boot camp, I was so over it that I donated blood for the first time. I’ve donated blood a handful of times since then (when I wasn’t excluded due to recent tattoos). It’s something I’m quite proud of. I did find out that even if I hadn’t gotten over my fear, I wouldn’t have been the only girl in my flight to freak out about having blood drawn and going down an assembly line of techs administering literal shots (they were mechanized somehow) for immunizations.
My desire for a tattoo also stems out of the want & need to feel something other than whatever is floating through my mind right now. I let myself lose control and be driven crazy. Certain people seem to be able to exploit that weakness. Either on purpose or not, it’s happening. It hurts and a pain I can control at least, is by getting a tattoo. Don’t get me wrong, however. I don’t take getting a tattoo lightly. Except for my first, my tattoos have meaning (the first, I selected and gave meaning to). I won’t get something inked into my skin permanently if it doesn’t mean something significant to me.
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time…
I think it’s time for another cigarette … or three. And then maybe… some sleep.
Twitter: caitysparkles
says:
Aw, I hope you are okay. I never thought about tattoos like that before but it makes a lot of sense. I hope you figure out exactly what you want so you are able to get it!