The past few weeks have been very trying for me. Some serious issues came to a head in my relationship. I’ve felt out of control of everything suddenly. Things have been tough for both of us with the moving, transitioning to a new work place, amongst other things.

In the process of finding ways of working things out in the relationship, I’ve come to the realization (with the help of personalized feedback, reading and reflection) that I do have control. I have control over what I can do for myself.

For instance, today, thanks to my BFF, I’ve become that kind of person that seems to always have something physically wrong with them – and I make it known. Almost every ache, pain & ill I experience, I whine about it. I’ve hated these types of people for as long as I can remember and I’ve morphed into one of them. Just because I’m feeling under the weather or achey, I don’t need to whine about it. Nobody wants to hear about it. I’ll take care of myself the best I can and work through it – just like anybody else. There’s no point in dwelling on something that’ll pass within hours or days.

Something else I need to work on is taking the initiative to do anything productive. Working out, making phone calls, and doing anything else that could be productive.

While working on my weaknesses, it’ll help to remember my strengths which include my compassion, intelligence (which is random lol), and resilience.

Overall, being a stronger, more assertive and more independent person may help my relationship, but it will definitely help me as my own person ultimately. Working on the root of most of my problems can only change all of the smaller ones and things should fall into place, one way or another.

What are some of your strengths? What’s something you’re working on improving about yourself?

• WHO the fuck is hammering at close to 1am?! KNOCK IT OFF, ASSHOLES! #
• Wants to have hope but doesn't want to get her hopes too high just to have them crash to the ground again. #
• I really hope the chicken I made for dinner doesn't bite me in the butt in a few hours… #fb #
• My first "week" at work is over. I'm off until Wednesday evening @ 5pm, then I work Fri-Sun #
• I love the Harry Potter movies #
• It's challenging to stay true to your energy today because you… More for Leo http://twittascope.com/?sign=5 #
• Why does the sign in spanish say 'thank you' but not the english one? #
• Spent a little over $100 at Ross, but only paid $2.81 out of pocket since she got her $100 rent.com reward card today got lots, too! #
• Spent a little over $100 at Ross, but only paid $2.81 out of pocket since she got her $100 rent.com reward card today got lots, too! #fb #
• RT @anahid02: "Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." – Ronald Reagan #fb #
• Harboring resentment can fuel a lingering anger today as the M… More for Leo http://twittascope.com/?sign=5 #
• The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. #fb #
• You may be required to be on stage today or have interactions … More for Leo http://twittascope.com/?sign=5 #
• I guess it's actually been a while since I've experienced my husband drunk – I've forgotten how angry, mean and confrontational he gets >:( #
• My stomach was messed up all of yesterday – I didn't know why until I remember the half-bottle of wine and pint of beer I had the night b4 #
• Finally getting our stuff from storage, thanks to my mom! No thanks to the military >:( lol #fb #
• You can wear your feelings pretty close to the surface today a… More for Leo http://twittascope.com/?sign=5 #
• Wine tasting in Temecula today. #fb #
• Why do self help books have the ugliest, most obvious covers? You couldn't possibly think of reading these things in public! #
• Stupid pimple right by the corner of my mouth makes it look like I've got the herpes – blargh! I does not have the herpes! #
• Looooves wine tasting, esp at awesome wineries/vineyards :D #
• My 19 y/o brother is asking how my marriage is going. That's weird lol #
• Good wine, good food, good talking, good music #
• I already have a headache from all the wine I had today… Blech #
• Just added the new Angels & Airwaves album. Love LOVE! #
• I'm tired and have a bad headache. Damn wine! #
• If you have been thinking about doing something special, today… More for Leo http://twittascope.com/?sign=5 #
• Is feeling real tired right now… blargh. To nap or not to nap? #fb #
• It's Friday night? Sure doesn't feel like a Friday night to me… #fb #
• You may feel as if you've been running on autopilot lately. It… More for Leo http://twittascope.com/?sign=5 #
• Boy am I having a bad day at work today… 2 more hours, give or take #

• Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell #fb #
• Had a great night at Pirate Dinner Adventures w/ @captjackevents, his friends, @NickiHunter & her beautiful family! :D #
• My knees are very achey tonight. Way to make me feel 30+ years older than I am, body! Good job. #
• ♥ When You Go by Jonathan Coulton #lastfm http://bit.ly/X3cOw #
• ♥ Broken Open by Adam Lambert #lastfm http://bit.ly/Dsej4 #
• ♥ Colorblind by Counting Crows #lastfm http://bit.ly/4zpbl9 amazon: http://bit.ly/uUqbr #
• ♥ Half Life by Imogen Heap #lastfm http://bit.ly/rzsDO amazon: http://bit.ly/12Y89F #
• ♥ Near to You by A Fine Frenzy #lastfm http://bit.ly/tnFLS #
• ♥ Breathe by Taylor Swift #lastfm http://bit.ly/MgohM amazon: http://bit.ly/7Jll6 #
• I think I'm going to reinstall WordPress. Things aren't working smoothly. #
• OMFG my BB wheel won't go left! WTF! This phone is less than 6 months old!! #
• Hanging out with my bff @ambrrritscold! #
• THERE ARE NAKED BOOBS IN MY BROTHER'S NEW GAME… AND THE GIRLS ARE MOANING SEXUALLY – GOD DAMNIT THIS IS AWKWARD! #
• I'm wearing my brother's (CLEAN) AF PT shorts to bed since my washer/dryer decided to not thoroughly dry my sleep pants and they effin STINK #
• On the plus side – *sings* I have a chocolate covered Peep! #EasterCandy #
• As much as I appreciate him telling me he's going to hang out with his ex… it doesn't make me like it. *grumble* #
• Why don't I have an ex who wants to hang out with me? #
• I'm productive! I put the curtains up in the redone bedroom. Privacy, at last! #
• I just unlocked the "Don't Stop Believin'" badge on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/cudPFV #
• I'm at Sardo's (259 N Pass Ave, Burbank). http://4sq.com/4mTctT #
• Kiss me, I'm Scottish #
• Fuck. My. Life. #
• My eyes hurt. #
• He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses & renounces them finds mercy. Proverbs 28:13 #
• I think now's the right time to get my antidepressants refilled… FML #
• This is AWESOME http://icio.us/0o2ui1 #
• I'm just sitting with the TV on QVC – right now it's a 50 square inch George Foreman grill in some pretty awesome colors #

Today I had my first day at the new store I transferred to since moving to San Diego. I was pretty much thrown in without so much as a tour of the store and where everything was. Not to mention, I hadn’t been worked in over a month so I had to gain back my mojo.

One of the major things is that the layout is completely different. My old store was converted from a Krispy Kreme that had been closed so the building itself wasn’t built by the company, not to mention it’s a relatively new location (it opened Spring 2007). My new store is a model the company was using around the time it was built & opened, which I found out today was in August 1991! Did you know that each In-N-Out has the month & year of when they opened carved into the granite either at the Pay window or the hand out window? So, if you’re ever curious, just take a look if you can! It’s not obvious, but it’s there!

I worked the dining room for the first half of my shift. It’s quite a bit smaller and more compact than most stores I’ve been in. There’s a small area outside the front with some outdoor seating, which my old store didn’t have at all. We would would get questions a lot about where the outdoor seating was. We had some good rushes and while I was quick with taking care of the dining room as a whole, one is never quick enough to get every table wiped down and swept up before somebody else takes it after the previous customer leaves. If they just sit down, I try and always offer to wipe it down for them if it’s noticeably dirty.

Later in my shift, I was given a drawer (of money) and put on the Pay window. It’s nice to be able to see the line of cars forming up outside from a window instead of a monitor. However, the sink to wash the dishes in is a good distance away and I don’t have a clear view to be able to tell if cars have moved. I was snowed on red trays and dishes most of the time, but I received help from some of my associates every now and then.

I know I just had my first day, but I feel so off my game not knowing exactly how they prefer to run things and where things are kept. If I was a brand new hire, I’d be told more right off the bat, but this way I have to ask questions and find everything out as I go along.

I work the rest of the weekend from 11:15 until 5pm. It’s one of my least favorite shifts. I prefer an earlier shift or significantly later, during the evening.

At what point do you say enough is enough?

When do you finally realize that there’s nothing left to say or do?

When do you declare defeat?

How do you let go and move on?

How do you tell all hope is gone?

When does faith run out?

And why does this happen to the people who try the hardest?

I’ve never been a fan of laundry. It’s never ending. There’s always another load waiting to be washed or put away. I actually don’t have a problem with the laundering process itself, it’s the folding part that gets on my nerves. I hate doing it. I have to be in a special mood to want to fold laundry. In SC, while living in our duplex, our closet was a walk-in and large enough that I could hang pretty much all of my shirts – because, let’s face it, folding shirts is a pain in the ass. And not only is folding shirts a pain in my butt, but because our dresser drawers seem relatively small (that, or we have way too many shirts!), I roll them a la boot camp because it actually allows me to fit more of them in our drawers versus folding. Rolling shirts is a tad more labor intensive.

That’s not the point of this post. I will, however, add in this line complaining about the fact that we don’t have our bedroom furniture (or a lot of our other household goods for the matter) yet and I’m running out of room in our closet to put clean clothes. *bitch*moan*whine*cuss*.

*ahem* When I was apartment hunting with my mom for my husband’s and my move to San Diego, I was faced with the fact that whichever apartment we decided on would either come with an upright washer & dryer pair or we’d have to use a communal laundry room. Since I wasn’t eager to start the saving quarters bit for the communal laundry room, I was looking for an apartment I liked that came with its own washer & dryer. I found one, and in the particular apartment I decided on, the washer & dryer was missing due to replacement or maintenance. When we moved in, we were surprised with a washer/dryer COMBO. I’d never dealt with one of these monsters before, but my husband had during his FAA schooling in OKC. If you’re not familiar, let me explain… It’s ONE appliance that combines the abilities of a washer and a dryer. This may sound awesome, but due to the nature of this beast, it uses a steam drying method (so I’m led to believe) that takes forever to dry a load. Longer than a normal dry that uses electricity and/or gas. It’s either too hot and messes up shirt appliques (on the normal setting) or on the next lowest setting, takes even longer and doesn’t thoroughly dry the clothes.

All of this leads to it taking a lifetime to get through and wash all of our clothes & linens that have been in storage for the past year, as well as the fact that my PJ pants I’ve brought to my mom’s house to wear smell like dirty laundry even though they were in the last load of laundry I did. This means, once I’m back home in San Diego, I will have to wash that load again, which leaves me even further behind in getting our laundry finished.

Needless to say, I’m ready to give in and take our laundry to a laundromat. Luckily, I purchased a laundry cart not too long ago, but primarily for groceries and trips to Target when we have too much and heavy stuff to lug up to the 3rd floor. I hate making multiple trips up & down floors, even if there’s an elevator involved. I do have to say, the cart will probably be the best $40 I’ve spent on anything wheeled & collapsible!

I’ve been having issues with WordPress for a couple of weeks now. One issues turned out to be one my host’s end and once they knew about it, it was remedied very quickly. Another issues may have been a corrupt script (or plugin) that added some strange numbered .php files and a couple I couldn’t delete on my own. Now, after having unistalled & reinstalled WordPress, I’m still having issues getting it to connect to my FTP server. It’s all been quite frustrating.

Other than that, not much else is new except my husband and I are trying to work through some of our issues in our relationship. We’re finally going to counseling, through his childhood priest. Our medical insurance doesn’t cover couples/marriage counseling, so this is the cheaper alternative, and I think it’ll be beneficial for him to get back in touch with his church. I know being closer with God helps me out a lot. I’d love to find a church and start going. Considering we’re both Christian in the fundamental sense, we couldn’t be more different on how we practice and see our faith. That’s what happens when one person is Catholic in a fairly traditional sense and the other is non-denominational and more celebratory/spiritual about it.

I’ve been to a couple of Catholic services with him, but for the most part I felt pretty strange and awkward, especially when it came to Communion. Since I’m not Catholic, I’m not supposed to take their Communion, and I haven’t – but Devin didn’t tell me I didn’t have to stand in line with my hands crossed over my chest and could’ve stayed in the pew. Being the only person over 4 feet in line doing that, I was feeling mighty awkward!

Our first sit-down with the priest is on Wednesday. I’m curious as to how it’ll go. I really hope it gets him to open up. I’m usually the one talking with him giving me the classic guy “I don’t know.”

With all this relationship stuff going on, needless to say I feel disconnected and down. We’ll see how things go.